Inspiring.

Read an article by Yasmin Mogahed. The reality of the writing moved me to tears.
I wished i could write like that, put my heart down in words. Convey my feelings with ease.
Guess I should try harder, and read a lot more too.
I particularly liked her saying:

"I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect.

You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? "

The Olly Craze.

Finals has started. Alhamdulillah, the first paper is manage-able.
Going through the late night studying with Olly Murs songs.
Love his songs for quite some time, but thanks to Bella, I'm kinda stuck on him a lot more nowadays.
Especially "Dear Darlin'".
And I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.

Deep, kot.

Few lyrics that i like:

"Now there is nothing left that can numb me 
Do you love me or do I run 
Why don't you ask me to stay? 
Ask me to stay 
As first you make a wish and pray that things will never change 
And then we reach the point of being just good friends again"

-ask me to stay-

You're the only lifeline that I need -right place right time-

Please forgive me, if I can't forgive anymore
I guess I'm taking it personal
Life without you is better than life before
I guess I'm taking it personal

-Personal-

And I don't care if you don't break my fall
You got me dreaming of a life
That anybody else would die for

It's too late to look away, and unfeel what I feel for you
Look away, and unsee what I see in you

-Oh My Goodness-

Here it comes.

The shitload of assignments, and last minute tests. I can't even say it out loud. I would tremble at the thought of it.

This is the horror of being a law student. You would have paradise on the first two months then it will just go downhill after that/ The breaking point is during the finals.

I was insomniac for 3 months after my last semester finals.
This is pure torture.

On the bright side, I'm sooooo loving Hannibal's newest episode. Seriously, nothing is safer than being taken under a killer's wings. Lucky Abigail.

And I also wanna watch the Great Gatsby so freaking bad. I know it'll cause me emotional harm but I was attracted to this film after downloading the soundtrack. Over The Love is just wicked.

the story of us.

“You will go on and meet someone else and I’ll just be a chapter in your tale, but for me, you were, you are and you always will be, the whole story.” 

love is..

That’s all it takes: one lonely, naive man desperate to show off and a woman clever enough to make him feel special. A damsel in distress. In the end, are you really so obvious? Because this was textbook. The promise of love, the pain of loss, the joy of redemption. Then give him a puzzle and watch him dance.

Hidayah.

Yesterday, I went to Masjid UNiSZA to hear ceramah after Maghrib, with Azza.
Something that I never thought i'll be doing with her in my whole life.
Dengar macam jahat kan, tapi seriously, I never thought i'd go to Masjid UNiSZA of all places to hear CERAMAH. with her.
Mind you, the ceramah is in bahasa terengganu. mostly.
So we're just like, sitting there side by side, mulut ternganga while thinking "apa kejadah ustaz ni talking about?" and sometimes we'd stare at each other and burst into snickers.
It was hilarious, and heartwarming.

Tengah2 duduk sambil dengar ceramah tu, I thought about what i am doing right now, and I felt like crying. a bit.
Maybe because I never thought I would have the hidayah to dengar ceramah at masjid lepas maghrib, together with my best friend who is Alhamdulillah, changing to be a better muslimah.
And in my heart, I said my gratefulness to Allah many times.

Thank you Allah, for giving Azza the opportunity to own a car so that we could go to Masjid easily now.
Thank you Allah for giving us hidayah to be a better muslimah.
I know it is never too late, and that is why i am grateful to You.
Please never give up on us. Please lead us to the right way.

It has been an enlightening week for me.
I know that it is a sign for me, to change my ways.
I just never thought it would be this way, and it would take my best friends to change me.
They say it is easier to change when you have someone together with you.
Alhamdulillah.

I am happy now with them,
Thank You Allah.
For meeting me with Azza, Syud and Bella.
The friends whom I would carry in my heart forever.

Although my love has left me, but I realize that i still have much more that stays.
Nothing could replace my family, my relatives and friends.
Thank you Allah.

We by Fatin.

We used to feel connected,
Now we just feel absent,
No matter how much I call for you,
I know there will be silence,
Because there is no more "we".

Love is like this,
The more we reach for it,
The more we lose ourselves,
And when we look back,
There is no more "we",
It's just you and i.

Though silence was what i craved for,
Now it seems that I need to grow up.

Would any of this matters to you,
Would anything change?
Is this the best?
I guess no one knows,
because there's just you and i.